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CrimsonChaos
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Name: Shawn
Birthday: 12/18/1984
Gender: Male
Interests: # 1 interest: EMILY ^_^I like to play video games such as RPG's,SIMS,RTS's,Action Adventure, Wrestlers.My Favorite TV shows: The Family Guy,WWE RAW,The Twilight Zone,Sopranos,anything on the History Channel and Discovery Channel,Tough crowd with colin quinn,The Dave Chapell Show,Transformers,The O'Reilly Factor,loads of Anime and so on...Favorite Movies: SowrdFish,The Matrix movies,Crouching tiger hidden dragon,Spider-man,28 days later,Godzilla movies,CowboyBebop: knocking on heavens door,Contact,Memento and so on
Expertise: ummm.....errr.....ummmm.... i jerk off....
Message: message me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  ChaosZeroX326
Yahoo:  Kaipo12704
Member Since:
4/21/2003
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| So, i sadly just had to leave my baby last night. i hate to sound cliche and cheesy, but i feel like i'm not complete with out her  .I had an amazing time with my Pumpkin.I've never laughed so hard with a girl in my entire life.The way she looks at me and how i look at her, it's like we let the whole world pass us by during those moments. i swear, we can do nothing and i'd still be entertained. Shes funny, She's beautiful, she's simply amazing and shes mine! all mine! mwahahahahahahaahaha!.
I cannot stop thinking about my time that was well spent with my Emmy.The walking and holding hands, to the awesome time of shopping together. Yes, i marked out for shopping with her.To the first day i got into a cab and drove to see her and i finally saw her standing at the corner, her arms around herself, her beautiful blonde hair swaying in the wind. Her big stunning smile flashing, i can recall how that car moved in slow motion, everything went silent for a second, how that car moved slowly past her and i still had my eyes fixated onto that pretty face. i still remember the chills i got and how i almost choked on my gum that i had to pound my chest to watch it fly out of my mouth.How i recalled the cab driver saying " wow, brother, is that her?" and me saying "yeaaaaa....thats her...." to which he replied " damn brother, you did good. You did reeeeeeeaaaal good brother". Not going to lie, in that moment of being stunned and in awe with emily, i got a surge of arrogance within me. She is a very beautiful woman.I can recall getting out of that cab with two stuffed elephants for her ( i know my baby love 'em) and just having another moment that lasted forever but happened in seconds. We locked eyes, and we just kissed in a madly, passionate embrace.I felt dizzy as i stared into her beautiful eyes, trying to capture her whole face. My eyes darting around, piecing together her face. Taking her all in. Living for that moment. Ten whole, long months waiting for her. Waiting to touch her and to kiss her and it finally arrived.
I remember being calm and having a hard time not looking at her. I still have that problem. Shes beautiful. Easy on the eyes. A real looker.It was hard not to lay my eyes on her. It was like, being called to a Siren's song.Her blonde beautiful hair dancing in the breeze. It shining in the sun.I was gladly under her spell. We held hands and held eachother till we got to her place. It was nice to see it. We tasted eachother's lips once more.Our tongues, exploring one another mouths. Our bodies pressed against eachother as the sounds of heavy breathing filled her near empty house. Oh, how i remember.We went to Walmart and i swear, its like we knew eachother in real life for so long and just meeting again after a long time. We felt so comfortable together.We bought an air mattress and we went back home. Heh, we had some fun before she left for work. She ran her fingers through my hair and put me to sleep. She came back and we just enjoyed eachother's company.
Over the days, we spent time with one another. Went to the Chinese Buffet. Visited her mall for a few times.Which, i must say, was pretty dead on most of the days we went there.Went shopping, cuddled non stop in the bed, wrestled, danced like morons, laughed at eachother! Went to the movies and paid to see Zombieland and ended up sneaking into 3 other movies.We ended up turning the 27th into our first official date.When i officially, asked her out. From the movies we went into Fridays and bought some drinks with insanely, good nachos.We had a night where we bought a bottle and drank at her house. Smoked with my baby for the first time and had a blast and smoked some more.
We went to a bar the night before Halloween and danced. My baby, my pumpkin, can dance. She was the most beautiful woman there and the best dancer. She took that dance floor and made it hers.Once again she demanded attention and my eyes couldnt leave her. Her hips swayed and i watched them with mad intent. Her beautifully, round ass moving against my body, the smell of her hair in my face, i was in a trance. i was hers. i belonged to her. She danced like a slave catcher and i gave up without a fight. Dancing with her was something else. My eyes werent the only ones set on her. both males and females watched her dance with me. i was every guy's envious thought.She was every female who, had a boyfriend, worst nightmare.I'd enjoyed my time with her when we're both drunk.I watched as women would come out of the bathroom and look at me and smile.I stood there thinking something was up or maybe i was cute.Instead, as the bathroom door opened i could see my girlfriend, talk to all these girls in the bathroom. My blond bombshell, telling all these other women how awesome i am and how awesome i treat her. Asking these strangers if she should marry me.They all approved  .Its funny to see how easy it is for her to walk up to people and just be friendly.She made friends with a girl named, devin.Asked her if she should marry me and she said yes lol. We had an argument. But its ok. When we do i feel we get closer. I'd marry emily the next time i'd see her.i wouldnt think twice if she, out of no where, told me she wanted to marry me that day.
The next night we went to Brick Town and had a blast dancing and drinking.Mind you, i cant tell you how many times i enjoyed showering with her and holding her wet body close to mine or how she'd wash my hair and massage my scalp while doing so. The many times her and i would have a threesome with Mr. Bubbles in the bathtub and just enjoy a nice bath with one another. Never been so relaxed in my life. How i enjoyed her cooking for me. How she made an amazing Lasagna dinner for me as well, as a steak and potato dinner with cheese covered broccoli.The wifey can cook.
I also enjoyed walking her to work and walking her back home.Its not much nor is it a big thing but i personally, enjoyed it. Its the small things that make me happy. The way she randomly, kisses me with many kisses and hugs me.How she tells me she loves me or slaps my "perfect" ass. Her words not mine. How she looks when she sleeps or when she winks and smiles at me. To her resting her head onto mine.How shes comfortable with doing certain things with me and then we laugh about it lol. Shes a special girl. 
We hit up a dollar movie theater and then spent some time alone.The last night, even when she slept, she never let go of me. Not once.She held onto me.She seriously, had to peel my leg off from between her legs.When the morning came we both dreaded my leave. I awaited that cab driver like he was death himself.i cannot tell you how badly i ached for my baby. We held eachother and i wish it lasted as much as it felt. She had tears in her eyes and she started to make me tear aswell. I got in and drove off and i watched her till she was out of view. The day went by forever and the plane ride home sucks as i still ache to be with her again.
On some minor notes, her weird and creepy friend chuck is obsessed with my relationship with emily. He gave us some mild entertainment for a whole day. That guy seriously, has issues.it made her sorta freaked out and i was baffled at how he thinks he should run my relationship. The guy was bat shit crazy. fucking weirdo.
But yeah, i had an amazing time with her. The weather was perfect. beautiful weather and the scenery match it aswell. I'm trying to save money so i could see her in december =) spend my birthday and christmas with her.
i love this woman a lot. I plan on moving there the spring of next year. I cannot bare to be away from a woman as rare and awesome as my emily.
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| Get it xanga? get it? lol cause i'm going to be talking about smoking. yeah, i rock with that creative joke. so, anyways, the misses kinda lied to me about her smoking. That, sorta hurts and plays with my trust. i'm going to let it slide cause smoking is an addiction. But like i wont lie that it will hurt me questioning her word. Which sucks big time.
so, i got sad when she told me she smokes 5 a day. used to smoke a pack a day.Mmmm healthy.Also, very smart  . I got on her case and i think i have a right too cause its not just her anymore but we're a team. everything i do affects her and vice versa.I know she cant quit but thats cause shes stubborn and for some reason doesnt want too and i cannot understand why but thats her and this is me. after thinking about it, and actually, talking to bree. She made me realize i need to stop worrying about her dying in the long run. i mean whats to say she wouldnt get into a car accident ( which would still freak me out) i need to live in the moment. Just, i dont want to lose someone i love like that. She did say it would be nice if she really did love me, to actually try and quit and if she cant thats fine. i agree. i'd accept it so much more if she cuts down and tried. I'm talking effort. i mean i'm sitting here thinking i'd let up with it. that i can actually be with her if she smokes but she cant even try.I'm doing most of the changing and such. love is sacrifice and i think i changed to make her happy between the pot smoking and not bringing up guys hitting on her and such and corey even when i want to.But she cant make a real effort for me and that bothers me. If she made the effort and she didnt lie, and i see her do it and it comes down to her not quitting. Thats fine. At least, she gave it a try and did it for me.I'd be accepting of that and her smoking. i'd still get on her case though about cutting down from 5 cigs to 2 a day but i cant do anything about it. At least i knew she tried for me.That would mean a lot to me
i just worry about her health and to be honest its disgusting but i'm making an effort to adapt and do my part.
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| So, like, past 3 days have been a mild rollercoaster. One really bad night and half of a morning and the rest fine.Sorta like the Brooklyn Cyclone. You get on it and it has its small up's and down, you get banged the hell up , but its still fun.I think the problem is she has a hard time talking when shes angry. She doesnt realize how hurtful she can be and how fucked up some of the things she says and how some of the things she says, the way she says them, can make anyone second guess things.Shes insanely perfect when shes not mad but when she is, she's mean. She acts like another person and i dont need to think that.The most annoying part is, like today, she said "alright shawn, JESUS move on its done with" something to that extent but i am. i talk about new things and such and she still carries a hostile attitude. Shes the one not moving on.We have our fights, our arguments and i know like, after we talk them out when she's not acting like a mean person, we're all lovey dovey.Things are wonderful.She apologized for how fucked up she acted the other day. She says and knows how she acts and such and chalked them up to her asshole step dad who, i swear, will get his. Chalked it up 'cause its a girl thing to do with other methods. But, she'll still do them. She'll still say fine when she can just tell me shes not.It gets stressful at times 'cause its like a snowball effect. today, i mentioned cunt but not in a serious manner and only to get her attention. she was making the snowball bigger.She did tell me why she was mad but thats after a few Emily Fines™ . Which, i was proud of her, but went back to being "i'm fine ™" .When she does that, the small misunderstandings, turn into arguments and sometimes even fights all because she cant let her guard down and just talk it out and be rational. She doesnt get rational when shes angry.We have a lot of fights over the most stupid, little things when we can avoid them if we just talk it out and be more open. Somehow, i really dont know how, i avoided a fight today. maybe she was tired. She was.Prob had something to deal with that.
I told her a great way to better understand things was to talk them out. She found out i got drunk because i thought she was thinking about ending it by how she talked to me and ignoring me. NOT because she went out that night with a bunch of guys, at a guys house.I also, found out why she says fine and why she sometimes holds things in and thats due to that piece of shit , asshole , step father of hers.So, thats like 15 years of being programmed so i understand that she cannot change over night. so, i'll cut my baby some slack
Now, the real reason i made this blog to begin with and what gave me the whole "half n half" meaning is sometimes, with emily, i feel as if she wants to be with me and have a long relationship, and other times she doesnt.Like, for instance, she mentioned a few weeks back that we should take things slow. Which, ya know, i totally understand. But she mentioned the whole " i just feel like i'm missing out" which gave me a horrible flash back.That made me think a bit but then a few days later she said it was just her mood and seeing reem and daniel and such.But like, today, she was telling me she cant ask me to leave my friends or such and when talking about it and pushing the topic further, i asked her whats the problem i mean, you wanted a long relationship and such and she changed. the silence a bit. her tone of voice.She said she was thinking. ok, but everytime she says that its negative.She also kept saying "yeah, i wouldnt mind if we work it out" or something to that degree.Thats fine to think logically. Anything can happen.BUT other times shes like "OHHHHHHHHHHHH I CANT WAIT FOR YOU TO COME HERE!. IT WOULD BE NICE IF YOU DID STAY!!! WOOHOOO!" ok, maybe she didnt say woohoo. but she'd squeal and such lol.It just confuses me at times on what is in her head.
I mean, if we make it work.I dont know if she wants a long term relationship. she did say it many times or if shes afraid that i'll leave her. That it will be me and shes not giving herself the credit that she can be an awesome girlfriend.I'm more concerned with her breaking up with me just by the way she acts at times. I told her i'd only break up with her if she kissed another guy. Cheated on me, and right now, if she keeps being brutal to me when shes angry.I'll have a high tolerance on the last one 'cause she cant just reprogram herself 1,2,3 and i totally, understand that but you shouldnt act brutal to someone you love.What also makes me nervous is, its her first real, relationship and i think maybe she sees the things i do as abnormal or wrong.Whats starting to scare me now, especially, after today and the big fight is, her age. Shes young. She just has gotten her freedom and can she be with one guy? one guy for a long time? I mean, i asked her before. I made sure i laid my cards on the table, told her what i expected, how i'm in this for the long run unless something bad happens.she said she could be happy being with one guy for a long time and hence, i dropped my guard and gave her my heart.I wouldn't have thought this but when i talked to margo she kept bringing up her age. How margo and I are older and want to just connect with a girl/guy and be happy and how emily is 21, she wants to party and have fun and she might like the idea of being with me but later on she might want to date other people.I can sorta believe that but emily.... emily is pretty mature for her age.I like to think shes different from the other girls and she seems to be but she gets weird sometimes. One time shes screaming in glee for me and loves the idea of me moving in with her soon, other times shes careful of the thought. Shit, she screamed at reem one night. mentioning something in a playful tone to reem "dont mess this up with shawn and i, i want to marry him." That made me feel like a million bucks.
i dont know. maybe i'm over reacting.But it has been a rough few days.The thing is, the only way i can really sense her if i'm around her more. that i can see her face, her expressions when she tells me things so i dont sense doubt. i think moving in would actually be a good thing. Take it slow, but live with eachother. She how that goes.That way, when she tells me something and shes quiet or her voice changes tone, i can still think nothing bad. maybe thats just how she always acts.I wouldnt know till i see her often and i cant do that if we remain in a long distance relationship. I want ot make this work. The only way it can work, being logical, is if she makes the move or i do.I love her that much and to me, i think i found that right girl that i would move for her. it wouldnt bother me much cause at the end of the day i can walk home form work and hug her.I can always move back to brooklyn or NJ when shes ready too.My friends wont go anywhere. She could if we remain far.I;ve met this girl. This wonderful girl and its hard to come by.Maybe she knows that, maybe she doesnt. But it takes years sometimes never to find that one awesome person who would do anything for you. Who, would love you and be loyal to you and support you in whatever you do. A person, who thinks the world of you.It's been years for me but i dont want to waste my time anymore. i dont want to date and go no where.I'm lucky to have this knowledge. Shes a hard find. Shes rare.I went through so many failed relationships and a ton of stupid, useless, sleeping around with many women to realize and understand that when you find that one person, stick with them. I want to stick with her.I'm hoping after she sees me for 11 days. How we act all lovey dovey and such, IF SHE HAD any doubts, they'd go away. 'cause, if say in two months or a year, she changed her mind, she might go through years of being with many guys and realize she made a mistake. That she wasted so many years when she could've stayed with a guy who would do anything for her.
I dont really doubt if she wants a long, meaningful relationship but i think i should talk to her in person about this. one night when we're laying in bed together. Truly, see her face and understand her better.I think she still wants one and shes just being mature for her age and thinking logically.Which, is pretty amazing for a girl her age.Just based on her moods or tone in voice just sometimes makes me wonder.
She went out last night. i didnt worry too much about her safety except when she didnt pick up her phone after the time she said she'd be home. It's funny, i dont feel scared or being a major boyfriend that shes hanging out at a guys house, late at night with other guys there, past 2 in the morning.I mean, i already know for a fact my guy friends would hate that and would be like "what the fuck? thats a no no" but i trust her a lot and i hope she realizes that for me not to think its fucked up that she is at a guys house a lot, passed midnight.Thats putting a lot of trust into a person.Shit, thats a big step for me right now seeing as with my other girlfriends i wouldnt be able to handle it and yet i'm actually, pretty fine with it.You know, maybe i should tell her that so she knows i trust her. then again, i have to becareful of when i say it . I dont want her to think i still dont trust her and we get into a fight or something.
ok, therapy was fun, xanga. i'm gonna go eat.ugh, i love this girl. cant wait to see her.
please god, if there is a god, make this work for me, let me marry this girl and i swear i'll do anything you want. i'd even go to hell as repayment just do this for me. Anyways, enough with this novel. Later xanga
You're going to carry that weight
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| i fucking love my girlfriend.Yes, i love her to the point i had the need to open up the xanga and write it.
hmm, had a discussion with the wifey too. It got me annoyed. Like angry 'cause i feel she doesnt think i trust her.i do. I felt horrible 'cause she mentioned how i acted weird the other day when she called. That bugs me 'cause i cant believe i acted like that. She said it was rude. I guess it was.I feel bad.I'm trying to think back to that day and i was in a good mood so i dont know why i rushed her off the phone.Especially, that i was happy that she called to begin with. Ah, i cant dwell on it. Next time i'll think better.
LMAO i farted on the phone with her today (the 12th) lmao. to which she ripped some funny ones. she made my abs hurt so badly from the laughter. This is a first for me.I never found women and farting to be appealing but... ya know, i think i love her so much that i look passed that and just enjoy that she feels comfortable. Not to mention it's insanely funny how shes very hot and she makes some funny noises from her blow hole. LOL ah, good times.
Man, how i love that girl.Shes a tough girl. Poor girl and her feet. She has cuts on the back of her heel due to her shoes.Hopefully, that justin guy fucking drives her to the places where she needs to go.I'm happy she accepted 30 bucks that i'm going to send her later on during the day time.Help her get some pots or pans. Some food in the house.She has a alot of pride but ya know, i love that girl and i want her to be ok and eat.After all, i love her.
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